Who are you? Who is that guy over there? Have you seen that girl before, who is she? We all have made these questions before, some of us we still make these questions on a regular basis (sometimes out loud and sometimes quietly deep inside our thoughts), but how many times are we that “you”, “that guy over there” or “that girl”? How many times do we ask ourselves: Who am I? And when we finally do, Do we answer it genuinely and honestly?
I have been trying to answer this question for quite some time because I want to know, Do I really know myself? Do I really know the man in the mirror?, I have answered that question before and to be honest, sometimes i did not like the answer I gave to myself.. I knew I needed to do something about it, I needed to find who I am but most importantly I needed to like me more, to love me more so i could discover who I am.
I started to read more, actually, I started to read everything, crafted ideas about what I read and what did that meant to me… later on I started speaking my mind and to provide my opinion to subjects that matter to me, and if I did not like something I would say it. I asked questions, a lot of questions until I understood other people’s point of view, in some cases that did not make me agree with them but it made understand and respect their ideas and what’s beautiful about all of that is, I did not needed to be right, I just needed to listen and be listened.
That being said, let me introduce myself (I mean, if you are going to read the things I write, It is fair that you know at least a little bit about me), I am a dreamer, a lover, a friend, a son, a nephew, a godson, a godfather -in formation-, a cousin, a brother -even though I am an only child-, a dog parent, a student forever, a dancer, a pole dancer, and for instance; a performer, a singer -a terrible one but that won’t stop me from keep singing in the shower or in my car whenever my favorite jams come along-, and for the last 7 years, I am an immigrant. All of these nouns mix up together, help describe me as a person and all the roles that for one reason or the other I have found myself trying to do my best job at. To be honest, I have failed, once, twice or maybe more but i can always dust myself out and do it a little bit better the next day. A very good friend of mine told me one day: “We live every single day, we die once”, so I am embracing it!
Living! for me, means be out there, enjoying who you are, spending time with the people you love and care about, doing the things you like, for example, sweets are my weakness is kryptonite is Superman’s, I love to travel to new places and revisiting places that i have been to and i love going back anytime i can do so.
Kisses, under a warm and breathtaking sunset melt my heart -specially at the beach-, flowers make me happy and good music makes everything better, I also love sex (who doesn’t?) and even though the act is liberating and a consensual trade of energies; the aftermath it is as special as the act per se, falling asleep right after it -with the special one- is priceless, actually, it leaves me speechless and making me feel we are the only two people in the world. Working out is my needed therapy and being overwhelmingly busy is something that I enjoy, I guess is because it does not leave enough room for wandering thinking.
I didn’t know I was such an animal lover until I got the courage to get a dog. I am telling you, that 6lbs furry thing is soooo important to me and I am grateful everyday for having her in my life… well, snowy/rainy days sometimes make me think I should have gotten a cat instead!
Alcohol and I we are not very good friends, mainly because the empty calories it puts into my body but I cannot resist to a bottle of Veuve Clicquot and when it comes to food, Indian and Italian gastronomy are my first choices, although, I love food, love to cook, love to dine out and love to eat.. That I am, a foodie!
Anytime I say, I am this or I am that, i also think about the other roles i have performed before and i do not get to do it as often as i would love to, in fact, there is one that i miss terribly every single day, the grandson’s role, and I know that i will never be a grandson again because my grandmother is not longer with us anymore and even though she is still alive in my heart, I know I cannot hug her and hear her voice calling my name again. Another role I have not perform in quite some time is the Boyfriend/Partner one, I guess is because I have not met the right one yet or I have not invested enough time, patience in the ones i have let in recently… or simply, I just screwed it up or they were not THAT into me.
I believe those old roles combined with the current ones, make me who I am in this present perfect and what I am looking for in life. My previous experiences have molded me into the person I am today and, hopefully it will guide me to become the man I want to be in the future. Today, I am Stanley Escobar, a man who cares about his family and friends, maybe a little bit too much, a daydreamer but also someone that is working on a plan to have a future, a lover who is ready to love and be loved, who is keeping its eyes peeled for that partner who he wants to find to keep experiencing and discovering life with and if i do not find it in this life, that will be ok too, but my soul will be happy and fulfilled knowing that I gave it a try.
Today, I am the BETTER VERSION OF THE MAN I WAS YESTERDAY, Today MY LOVE for life is stronger than it was yesterday, TODAY is the best GIFT i could have received. Tell me now, Who are You?
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